Why Transforming Your Communication Skills Feels So Hard - and How to Keep Going

Becoming a better communicator is a goal for many people. After all, we communicate daily, often without thinking. Through in-person or virtual conversations, texts, emails - conversation is all around us. But here’s the catch: the way you communicate now is a habit formed from many years of speaking in a particular way. That's why transforming your communication skills can feel so hard, at least at first.

You typically use the same phrases, the same tone, the same pace repeatedly. These patterns are deeply ingrained as habits. And habits are hard to break.

Here's why this is important: anytime you are in an unfamiliar situation, stressed in a conversation, or thinking on the fly, you're more likely to fall into your speaking habits.

Same phrases, same tone, same pace.

Even though you may be working on improving your communication skills, you may not have developed the muscle to sustain the change for long enough - that's why you may start the meeting with your back straight and face in the "right" expression, yet by the end of the meeting, you're back to slouching and furrowing your brows.

This isn’t failure. It’s part of the process.

Understanding this piece will make everything else click for you.

Breaking Old Habits Feels Messy

Imagine trying to run a marathon without ever training. You’d struggle. 

If you were planning to run a marathon, you would understand that you’d need time to train, practice to improve, and rest days to recover. You'd also be okay with investing time and money into the right support, maybe in new running shoes and equipment, or a coaching program to keep you accountable and on track.

Communication development works the same way.

You can’t unlearn years of ingrained habits overnight. Your old neural pathways need time to weaken (but only if you're not still using them everyday). Your new ones, for your new and improved behaviours, take time to build. Both processes happen simultaneously, which is why it feels so uncomfortable.

But this discomfort is proof that you’re growing. Celebrate it instead of feeling discouraged by it.

GET A PERSONAL SPEAKING ASSESSMENT

The Gray Area of Change

When you commit to improving your communication skills (or any skill for that matter), you’ll find yourself in an awkward in-between stage:

You’re no longer comfortable with your old habits, and you understand that if you stick to them, you're destined for failure.

Yet, you haven’t mastered the new ones yet and you're not sure if you will.

It’s tempting to quit, but remember: change takes time. 

Track your small wins instead of fixating on the end goal. Each small step strengthens your new habits, keeps you accountable, and helps maintain your commitment and motivation to the journey of changing. 

The Ultimate Choice Is Yours

Six months will pass, whether you choose to work on your communication skills or not. When that time comes, do you want to look back and see progress - or feel regret that you're in the same place you were before?

Growth is messy and uncomfortable. But not impossible. 

When you’re ready to commit to improving the way you show up in your communication (whether that's for public speaking, presenting in meetings, talking to your team or interacting with clients), make a deal with yourself to take one small step a day.

Your ability to change isn't in how fast you go. 

It's in how long you experience the results.

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Ready to commit to changing how you talk to your team, so you can finally learn to sound like a confident leader and speak with impact? I invite you to join my Intentional Communication Mastery course here.

If you know you're ready to start but you don't know what you need to start with, then consider getting a personalized assessment of your speaking skills first here.

You're capable of speaking better. The time to start is now.